Thursday, December 12, 2013

Sexism in Russia: to be or not to be?

Yesterday my friend asked me what target audience my stories address. I wasn’t really ready to answer that question so I asked him what his opinion is. And he told me that my stories can have some political influence because they talk about women, their perception of the world, their creativity, about their way of self-expressing etc. He also told me that my stories can inspire women to talk, to write, to develop their personalities. But the thing is that I never thought of it. I was just writing about feelings and emotions that were close to me, that I knew by my own experience. And I didn’t think about addressing someone particular, for me these stories were about everyone. This conversation made me thinking about the problem of feminism and sexism in my own model of the world and in my country.
Today we also had a discussion about sexism in Russian culture in my department, where we talked about Pussy Riots, Femen and even sexism in Russian literature. This discussion made me shape couple of ideas of how I see that problem in Russia. First of all, sometimes I don’t see a problem in that sphere at all. Even the opposite thing: a lot of women in Russia who talk about “gender discrimination” and “women rights” actually want men to remain “gentlemen” and “knights” which means carrying heavy bags, paying for jewelry and cocktails in the bar, taking care of all the problems, etc. Those women like the phrase “Can’t you just be a man?!” But they start shouting about “women rights” as soon as their men limit their “freedom” to make career instead of taking care of the family, to hang out in clubs with friends instead of making dinner for their husbands, etc. Those women want to see “knight” around but they don’t want to live in the Middle Ages. I mean, ok, if to be a man means to be a gentleman and to feed and to defend his family, then what means to be a woman? To be a beautiful precious thing for a man to take care of, a carefree creature with a freedom to do whatever she wants? Then how about a sexism of judging a woman only by her appearance? Having certain rights always mean having certain responsibilities on the other side.
Another story is about homosexuality in Russia. I feel like I have to say that yes, it’s not familiar for Russian culture. It has never been. And those who say that it’s a Western influence are right. Russia as a country was created on a pretty poor land with infertile soils, with severe climate, between Asia and Europe, both of whom always tried to conquer Russia. You will never find any homosexuality mentioned in Russian folklore, in Russian historical documents, in Russian culture. People just didn’t have time for that, they had sex to make children (because half of them was dying in their early childhood) and they fell asleep right after a long, full of hard work day. They didn’t have time and forces to ponder over their “sexual identity”.
Time passes and the world changes. Russia also doesn’t remain at the same place; it’s a modern country now. So it’s great that young people become more open-minded, that they ask their identities, they explore their personalities and their sexuality, they experiment with their bodies. The thing is that we can’t discuss sexism and homosexuality in Russia the same way as we do it in European countries or United States. That’s why, unfortunately, these notions are used pretty often as a commercial trick or government’s ruse to distract people’s attention from urgent economic and political problems of the country. In short words, it’s sometimes hard to say whether this is your real identity or it was imposed by the mass media.

I grew up in a family where a husband isn’t ashamed of cooking, cleaning and sitting with kids even every day if his wife has a lot of work to do. It doesn’t mean that his wife doesn’t do the same things when he works a lot or when she just has a free time. There was never a question who earns money and who takes care of the house and kids in my family, there was never a question who has more rights or who has more freedom. There was only a question who loves more. And everyone (including us, kids) wanted to win in this competition. And there were always fragrant coffee on Sunday made by my father and delicious breakfasts made by my mother. There are always fresh flowers in our house because my father is a real gentleman, and my mother is a real lady who makes my father want to be a gentleman. 

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