I have to.

I have to get my degree, I have to find a good job (preferably with a good salary), I have to live in this city and this house, I have to get married, I have to go to bed not very late, I have to visit my friend tonight, I have to… Don’t you feel sometimes that your life is just made of these “I have to”? And I wonder who actually created all these “I have to”. Why do I have to do this and that? Ok, you’re right; there are always dozens of reasons and explanations. You have to get your degree because everyone knows that without degree it’s hard to find a good job. And a good job leads you to a good life – meaning enough money, recognition, stability, self-fulfillment…

 Stop. Not necessarily. It happens so often that you make enough money, you have enough recognition (oh, yes, your grandmother loves telling her neighbors about all these conferences with country-famous corporation leaders you participate in every month) and your wonderful stable life (you are even ready to buy an apartment in the nice neighborhood soon). But you hate your job because it’s not your job; it’s something you have to get, as well as all those courses you took in the college because they were useful for the profession you have to choose. Well, you know, it’s a lot of opportunities, enough money to create your life outside of the work however you want, and so many people would kill to have your life. What are you complaining about?

Yeah, your life outside of your office. You can stand these several hours of something that doesn’t inspire you (just do your job, right?) knowing that at 5 pm you’ll be free to go dancing or taking picture, or writing your novels, or painting, or playing basketball with your friends that you love, etc. But what happens usually after work? Well, often you are just tired (somewhere in your mind there is a question Does it worth…?). Sometimes you are not tired and you are full of inspiration and energy, you are running home to start… Ups, no, you are going to meet with your friend because you two already decided two days ago that you spend this evening in the bar talking about work, family, summer vacations, work, football, work, etc. You don’t really see the point in these topics (well, sometimes it’s just the way to relax after work but not today), but… your friend would be offended if you cancel the meeting, right? So you go to the meeting. And coming home at about midnight, after a couple of beers you are already way too tired to write, to paint, to take pictures etc. So going to bed without even having your teeth brushed you promise yourself that tomorrow you’ll do what you want to …

And then tomorrow… is a cold, gloomy day (like more than a half of days in the year in this damn region). Getting up in the morning you can’t stop asking yourself why, for God’s sake, you live in this winter-forever-like place. As always you find a lot of reasonable explanations. You are close to your family, your girlfriend likes this place, and you have a decent job here, etc. There are always, always reasons why you do what you don’t like instead of doing what you love doing. Why do you go to the party when you want to stay home (friends will be offended); why do buy this long coat when you want a short one (let’s be adults – you’d be freezing in the short one), why do you chat with this guy you don’t care much about (well, it’s impolite to avoid him, he was always so nice to you), why do you have to find a person to marry before you are 25 (you know, you are not a kid anymore, you should start thinking about family), (also don’t forget about woman’s health) etc.

There are always great, sound reasons. The only problem is that part of them is just made up by you (your friend probably would have a good party even without you) and another part is made up by people you shouldn’t really care about (your grandma’s neighbors? Really?). The true reason is that it’s damn scaring to change your life so essentially, to move to another city, region, country, to quit you decent job, to break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend, to follow your emotions and desires, to become different from the person that a lot of people expect you to be.