Some notes about "A girl on the Bridge"
I don’t usually have the whole piece ready in my mind
before I start writing it. The details and ideas come as it goes. Some stories
need to be pondered over for some time and I gradually get sudden, great ideas of
how to title them or what image to play with. I compile my stories from nice little
pieces and put some simple “bonding agent” of descriptions between them. But
some stories come in a completely different way. They are so painful and slow
that they are born in throes like human children. I have to live through these
pieces, to feel them deeply. When it happens I cannot sleep or eat, I cannot
work or chat with friends. All the time I just think about my story, I replay
phrases and different parts of a plot in my mind this way and that. I even talk
to myself tasting various words and subjects. I start living inside my story,
getting upset or happy along with my characters, trying on their emotions and
actions. And I cannot calm down till I am done with my story. With a story that
becomes my life.
This “difficult to share” piece was of one of such
stories. The assignment was to write about something that would be hard for you
to share with other people. Memories that I was trying to present in this text
were painful and burdensome for me. I felt that my mind just blocked the whole
memory of my feelings and emotions from that story. It took me a week to force
myself to actually write a piece. I was easily
recalling places and times, colors and faces. But my feelings and emotions from
that time were dry and abrupt. Perhaps, because when this story was happening
to me they were too strong to handle them. So I just chose to forget, to erase
them from my memory. Though, sometimes it’s good to remember…
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