Falling in love.

I fall in love with people. It’s the most wonderful feeling on Earth but it’s a heavy burden as well. It’s not about a physical attraction so gender of a person is unimportant. It’s about falling in love. It’s about these stirring moments of mutual recognition, when I discover a lot of common things or when I reveal features that I want to have myself. It’s about admiring little nice details like smile, look, head rotation, and dimples, about being enchanted by other person’s ideas, phrases, and habits. I also go through all stages and worries of falling in love: I want to spend all your free time with this person, I don’t sleep at night talking to him, I do crazy things, and I am jealous when she goes out with other friends. In such days my soul is full of inspiration and creative energy; I prepare nice little surprises for her and cook delicious cakes for him. Every time I meet her I have an enormous desire to hug her, I wish I can be closer to him, and to put my head on her shoulder. So I lied, and it is about physical attraction too. Perhaps, that’s why it’s so hard to be so amorous.

When I first heard about first gay western Brokeback Mountain I thought about millions of superficial, weepy Hollywood movies lingering over all types of physical and emotional relations. I decided not to watch it. Nevertheless, three days ago our professor gave us to read his article about his canoe trip to the border of Canada. The name of canoe was Heath Ledger as a main actor playing in Brokeback Mountain. I didn’t know his name so I Googled it and was carried away by his professional and personal life. I also read different reviews of the movie itself and came to a conclusion that I had to see it. It was rather awkward and unusual from the very beginning, but this is not the point. This story is about two guys who liked each other but were never able to face and to accept this feeling by themselves. This story is about two people falling in love with each other personalities and being madly happy together while all people around (including themselves) can’t understand their emotions and can’t approve them as something beautiful and warm. It’s about people being tied and limited by themselves, by the rules and restrictions that they invented themselves, by a fear to be too opened, too sincere and too emotional. It’s hard to draw a distinction between emotional and physical in love and there is nothing wrong about wonderful feeling of holding a hand of a person you love. No matter if she is your friend or someone more than just friend. Because there is no border between deep friendship and tender love… If you feel it.