09/17/2012

09/17/2012

Entering the new level. Just feel like absolutely free and happy today. I was surprised and smiled when greeting an acquaintance with “Hey” in English mechanically. It’s a big deal – to change your mentality, but it’s worth – you go to a new level of your mind. I was so satisfied yesterday reading French article with a feeling that it’s English one. I mean it’s amazing – I was reading it at the same ease as English one. Only after few minutes I noticed that it was French.

Another wonderful feeling – a dance inside me. My soul is singing and dancing, and this movement reflects in every part of my body. I’m coming back to a dancing state! As my coach Andrew said – you should make you free again, you should get back this hip-hop feeling of slackness and energy at the same time. I’m walking on the street, listening to music in my headphones and feeling this music with all my organs, I see the dance for it in my mind. And I don’t care how I look like from outside – I’m in my own world and I’m happy over there.

All in all, it comes to me – now I know that all these “requirements” don’t matter. If you keep all rules, you visit all these lectures that don’t interest you at all or they are not your top priority, but you are not happy and satisfied with your life, who cares? What you’ll be useful for with your permanently depressed face and feeling that you are missing something important. You should do what you are considering as important and appropriate for you – for you, not for people around you, your colleagues or your friends, your parents or other family members. And it’s not true that you can’t make enough money by doing what you like to do and accordingly what you are good at. If you love working with kids or teaching, or organizing events, or writing, just do it. And find enough time for what is hobby! Like for dancing for instance.

Thus, I was walking in the sun today, feeling warmth and light (I can’t live without sun – it definitely forms my mood!) and dancing and singing inside. It is just another fall in my life, but I know I gonna change my life this year – I gonna live where I would like to live, speak the language I like speaking, love the man I’m loving despite of all discrepancies, getting new friends and new activities, spending time with friends I have now and I really like etc. And damn all other stuff!

Helping to people, smiling, doing what you see you should do. French college and dancing is more important for me that these stupid lectures! Well, I wouldn’t hasten with forming an opinion of French college as the meeting for test was awfully useless and full of arrogance in condescending manner. But let’s see… Probably, lectures will be better than this old refined boot.

Reading “Babbit” in subway and smiling most of the time. Though Brian is not impressed with him I really enjoy this book. In my view the author shows all these stereotypes (yes, Brian, they exist and I would say more – they are noticeable for a person from outside) very subtly and deeply, in a sharply critical but sad mood at the same time. And it’s so ordinary image that sometimes you even recognize yourself in it and you get upset because these moments don’t look exciting.

Little things which made me happy today:

-                     letter from Inara how much she is missing my “class and grace” (she is so sweet, my dear girl)

-                     marshmallow sticks (yeeee, they are delicious)

-                     droll chapters from “Babbit”

-                     a call from college – work starts this Sunday (finally!)

-                     that is so amazing coming home and finding no one (no “kissing” couples after 10 pm any more!)

-                     conversation about “our men” with Ange (she is definitely a nice girl and she is dating New Zealand guy)

-                     getting a ready filled form for month ticket for subway

-                     a shower after dance practice and fresh clean sheets

-                     liking my reflection in the mirror

Bad things:

I hate this subway with its thick and fetid air, with its pushing themselves into cars people and slow thinkers! Moscow tires me in some degree.